“I’m okay.” I mumbled.
“Are you sure cause you know if you need anyone to talk too.” Jellybean began.
I peeked out at him and glared. “Listen J.B. if I hear that phrase one more time I swear I am going to scream!”
Jellybean chuckled and backed away a little bit, “Sorry..I just was worried about you.”
I sighed and said, “I know and thanks but I just try not to think about it, ya know?”
Jellybean smiled and nodded. I grabbed some leftovers and we sat down to watch t.v. Jellybean distracted me so I couldn’t dwell on everything that had happened lately. My mother had been released from the hospital a few weeks ago. My father’s funeral had happened as soon as she was released. I found out how many women and men my father had slept with when they all appeared at his grave site. Luckily none of them claimed to have a child with him so no half siblings to worry about. I got to meet Jonny’s mother Melinda and I found out Lionel was my half brother. Basically my whole life got a lot crappier.The only bright side of it all was…Jellybean. He was constantly making me laugh and reminding me to eat. When I stayed up crying late at night it was Jellybean who came to my room and held me.
I was slowly falling in love with him…I knew from Jellybean’s past that he wasn’t related to me in any way. He told me he was Jonny’s long time friend and then my dad adopted him but it felt wrong. I mean he was raised as my brother my whole life but…I knew…I was falling in love with him.
I sighed as I endured another one of Lionel’s temper tantrums. He was a grumpy child and would go through mood swings and outbursts often. Leonie had abandoned him to my care when he was only three years old. It took months for him to stop crying out for her at night.
The other kids try to be there for Lionel but he often lashed out at them as well. I think it was because he felt abandoned by both his mom and dad. I was so tired all the time the cancer was weighing heavily on me now. I should have passed away a long time ago but I just couldn’t leave these children all alone.
My daughter Amber was a godsend, she was the only one who could reach Lionel. She would read to him before he fell asleep. Even before she went to prom she made sure to read to Lionel as her father had done for her.
Speaking of Amber, I was surprised when she expressed her love for Jellybean. I had seen the attraction there for a long time and approved of it. He wasn’t her brother and he loved her. Every mother wants someone who will protect and care for their child.
The children seemed to grow so fast before my eyes. Amber and Jellybean graduated and went to college together. Yet their love for each other didn’t falter it only grew.
Lionel grew into a daredevil as he got older and became a race car driver. It was his “outlet” as his therapist calls it, for his abandonment issues. I wish I could have done more to help him but I feel we all did the best we could in being there for Lionel. He barely graduated from high school because he often skipped school to go to the race track. His mother, my sister, never talked to him though he often searched for her. I knew Leonie did not want to be found but I could not tell Lionel this, it would break his heart.
“NICOLE!NICOLE, Focus on my voice! Find your way back to us! NICOLE!” she repeated over and over.
She had been doing this for almost five years. Trying all forms of therapy to reach the young girl so far nothing had worked.
Dr. Davis stared at the young girl sitting before her. Nicole had been a patient in her facility for over five years. Her father had placed her in Dr. Davis’ care when the girl was found at murder scene and was catatonic. Police had tried to ask the girl what happened but she wouldn’t speak. It was as if something so traumatic had happened that Nicole had shut down and retreated into her own mind.
It was today that Dr. Davis decided to involve Nicole’s father in her therapy. He had refused all other times but today he finally said yes. Mr. Duffy stared at Nicole’s unmoving form as Dr. Davis tried relentlessly to reach Nicole.
“Mr. Duffy why don’t you say something to Nicole. I’m sure she’s missed you after all it’s been five years.” Dr. Davis said softly.
“I remember-” Nicole began
Mr. Duffy jumped up and said, “Dr. Davis please! My daughter has just woken up from a traumatizing five year coma. Please give her some time to adjust. I would like to take my daughter for a walk among the grounds to discuss everything. Then I will bring her back.”
“Of course Mr. Duffy I understand. I’ll let you use one of the rooms so you two can have more privacy.” Dr. Davis said
Dr. Davis looked at Nicole but could gauge nothing from the girl’s outward expressions. She seemed to almost be lacking emotion of any kind.
“Nicole dear your father will be in your room in a few minutes. I will tell the other girls to leave and give you two some privacy.” Dr. Davis said with a kind smile. Nicole gave a slight nod before being led out of the room by a male orderly.
She walked into a room surrounded by girls in the same white dress she wore. Though Nicole knew she should know who these girls were, she had no idea.
The girls looked at her as the orderly told them to give Nicole some privacy. She wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. Nicole had been numb for so long it felt weird to feel anything…especially what she felt now….fear.
She wanted to say something…she should have said something.
“Hello Nicki baby, did you miss me?” her father said in a seductive tone.
Her father cornered her against the wall. His hand swiftly went to her mouth and the other traveled beneath her skirt…the way it had five years ago. Nicole struggled against him but the more she struggled the rougher his hands become. She hated the hot tears that burned beneath her closed eyes. Five years ago…he had done this to her everyday…every night…his hands and “other things” would touch her. Then finally her mother caught him…she saw him on top of her daughter. Her mother saw her daughter’s tears, the crazed look in her husband’s eyes and her daughter’s underwear thrown carelessly near the bed. Her mother lunged for her father and Nicole got up from underneath her father’s heavy body. Nicole turned around as she reached for her panties and watched as her father suffocated her mother with his bare hands. Nicole screamed as loud as she could and cried as she watched the life leave her mother’s eyes. Her father, the police chief, was never arrested or caught instead it was said to be a mugging gone wrong. Once her mother was lying dead on the floor, her father came at her. He raped her over and over that night before leaving her to report the mugging he had walked in on.
Nicole was snapped back to reality with each thrust of her father’s body into her. He grunted over and over into her ear. He kept kissing her and touching her. She struggled again…she couldn’t let this happen….not again.
“I’m taking you home….you’ll be all mine.” he moaned in her ear as he pushed into her with his penis. It felt like he was tearing her apart. She struggled and finally kicked him hard. He loosened his grip for a moment…a moment was all she needed to run. As she ran for the door she felt his hands on her neck. Nicole struggled to scream…to yell..to breathe…but she couldn’t.
Her life was slipping away and all she could do was let it pass by her. She remembered the alternate reality she had created for herself during those five years. She thought of the life she should have had…a life with prom, a boyfriend, college…all of that was gone now.
Nicole Duffy was found in her room apparently strangled to death by her father. Police Chief Duffy has a warrant out for his arrest and if you have seen him please contact your local authorities. The autopsy report shows that Nicole was raped by her father and in a diary found in her family’s home it is apparent this happened for years but was never reported. Our prayers go out to her extended family and friends.
Her psychiatrist Dr. Davis is being investigated for poor conduct in leaving a patient unattended with a visitor. She is the person who found Nicole’s body and says it haunts her that she is responsible for this tragedy.
Thank you to all of my readers 🙂 I appreciate all of the comments and “likes” I have received on this blog. Hopefully that continues on my next one as well. Here is my new blog:http://thetoddlegacy.wordpress.com/2011/09/18/the-beginning/
P.S- I do not support rape, incest, abuse or anything it is wrong!